took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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