i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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