i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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