Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want her autograph on my taint
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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