If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need a beard to bite.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
