The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
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