how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
