I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
