Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
