fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
