You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
