My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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