i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
