Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
