You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
