your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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