I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
