If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
