It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
