We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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