i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
