She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
