Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
