Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry my hands just texted you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
