I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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