WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I love you.
Bad choice
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
