There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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