if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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