No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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