I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
