so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
