you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
