I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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