I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Text me some of your sweat
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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