It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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