Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
