I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
