U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
