Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
