Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
