so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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