I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Randomize
