I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
