I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
