I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
