you guys were way drunker than both of me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
