There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
