thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
