Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it's like heaven, but drunker
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
third nipple confirmed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
