just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
